Q: There is always a little frustration, the fact that the realization of what I understand is missing. I understand it, but I feel well that a part of me has not really integrated it, realized and I have the feeling that the moment of this realization does not belong to me. So my request is: can you help me to realize That, not with my thinking mind, but with my totality?

J: It is very deep what you say... you must have examined very profoundly already... The truth is Absolute and Total. There is no contradiction in it. There is nothing to contradict. But now, you are on the edge where you cannot go, hence you cannot say “with my totality” because then you have "me" and "Totality". We can also say: the enlightened one doesn’t know what enlightenment is. We cannot grasp it, we can not put it in words. We die. There is no one present and yet, all IS.

Q: You mean that the response is beyond the one who is asking the question?

J: Yes. The question is asked and the response erases the one who asks the question. Exactly. So this we can never understand, because there is no one to understand it. This is why we can go a long way by observing and understanding and you come to this profound point: I have to let it all go. So it seems to be a contradiction, you must want it more than whatever. I want you to be a spiritual warrior, like a Zen monk, only focusing on THAT. All the appearances and situations in your life, use them for awakening, which means that there is a point where you observe: "oh, here I'm identified", "here I separate myself", "here I have an opinion". No excuse. This you must feel by heart and it is really important. Really see where there is identification and do not identify with anything. Detachment is the fastest way to enlightenment. You need a living Master to encourage you and to support you and to push you. Because the ego does not commit suicide so easily. Ego will even take the identity of enlightenment, of what it thinks it is. "I'm so still", "I'm in bliss"... Yes, and this is so poisonous.

Q: Is it possible with a non-living Master?

J: Well, I don't think so. But on the other hand everything is possible. Some people wake up by a motor accident. But we don't know, maybe they have been really dedicated to the quest: "who am I?" for 3.000 lifetimes. And then there is this one moment where they fall of their motorcycle and they wake up! So you never know. I have students who are 18-20 years old, really clear, who have deep insights and they weep and say: "oh, I have this insight only now, and I'm 18 years old, why did it take me such a long time to see this!" For them, it's late! But I say to you: it's never too late. You never know if it is quick or not quick. It is useless to occupy with this because it is not the Olympics. It is letting go of any idea.

The Master... you know, I can only talk from my experience. I have very deep connections with Masters who are not in the body anymore, very delicious also... sometimes this whole body is occupied by One... but it's still a phenomenon, it is an experience, and it is something, however delicious and interesting. The ego can get hold of it and say: "Oh, this deity is visiting me..." So it is agreeable… So it is not only the painful experiences that hold you, it can also be nectar that keeps one attached. When you have a Master who is not in the body, you can fantasize a lot, you can be so happy... You understand, hmm? Yes, I feel it. So you need a living Master who says: "kick!" Because as long as there is something to kick away, there is something. Your true nature is no-thing. I think Jesus is always so sweet in our dreams... And I think he was just a rebel, without a rule over his head, not confined to any restriction, knowing that he was the universe, and in the same time, nothing at all. Jesus said: "wake Up!"  

You can only wake someone up by kicking his ass! And he did it! He put his feet forward and asked Maria-Magdalena, who was a prostitute, to apply balm to his feet He shows that the heart is the heart is the heart is the heart, and not confined to what you do or don't do and what status you have whatsoever! He was kind of shocking, provoking. Not nowadays...in Holland prostitutes are even paying taxes: this is legal, it is not so shocking anymore... We have to shock in other ways! Like Osho, he put out 99 Rolls Royce and the whole world was stirred, hit in the most painful attachment: matter. He did so just to shake up the energy, positive or negative. He had to break the ice of concepts and he also was killed for it, like Jesus, like Buddha, Socrates, poisoned. The whole history is full of Buddha’s who died for us by speaking: "Please, wake up and see, your suffering is not real, you are That!"

The ego has such an investment in not being killed and in being important and it gives the notion of being separated - my house, my daughter, high, low, better, worthy – it will not tolerate the wake-up call of our Masters. So this gives you a little clue of how big the investment is, how wonderfully sticky these attachments are.     

The only way out is the way of the heart. Not "falling" in love like you used to do it in relation... ships - you go into "ships"- but RISING in Love. You don't choose your Master; you are helpless when you find your Master. Meeting and recognizing one's Master is Grace: when you are ready, you are attracted like the iron to the magnet. There the understanding is already beyond understanding. You are touched, profoundly touched, it is something here you cannot describe. Like the smell of the rose, you cannot really define... like the taste of an orange, you cannot really explain... It hits you, you have to taste it, you know... You meet your Master beyond your control; this is the recognition of the heart, of the One Heart. It is pure Love. Through this Love there is something appearing stronger than the ego. So you are helpless, you cannot help it, you have to... you want to meet your Master, you want to see your Master, you want to come to Satsang. The Master, this precise Master, cannot do anything for you but invite you to look, to investigate and to guide you precisely until you disappear and Mastery remains. Master is the Absolute Principle that permeates all forms, that is form and is no form at once. This you have to realize genuinely.  

When you come with a diamond to the Master - "I found this, this is a diamond!" - and it is just glass appearing like diamond, the Master will do this (kicking it away)! For that you need a living Master. You understand? There are exceptions also, but I would prefer to say "this is my experience", I have seen it many, many times and it is so delicious. The Master is the Sun, the Master is "Prachodayat" and ignites that intelligence of the heart, beyond words, until two melt into One and disappear into None. The whole of existence rejoices and appears in That. This is what Jesus meant when he said: "I am that". "TAT Savitur Varenyam". That jewel that is adorable in everyone, in everything.

I want to tell you something before I leave. Being in Satsang is not only the words that are spoken. So when you go home, you might not know a word anymore of what has been said here. The seed is planted deep in the heart and it will bloom in its own right time.

Namasté.

Toulouse, August 4, 2001